Do you know how to help the child to meet the parents’ divorce?

10 December
2012

 

The divorce proceedings are the stress as for getting divorced parents, and, the most important, for their children. Such process, as the new circumstance in the child’s life, will be perceived by him as infringement on his life and certainly will cause a protest reaction. Children can be ill, can show symptoms of neurosis, and become aggressive. The elder child is, themore strongly his protest will be shown. For any child, no matter what his parents are, this is very difficult moment in life where the help of adults is necessary to him.

It’s important to remember to parents that in any case you can’t use the child for the solution of the matrimonial conflicts or to manipulate him, to turn the child against one of parents, to share the responsibility in making decision on divorcewith the child.

Understanding of that he can loseany of parents, doesn't go in the child’s mind, and so parents should explain everything that occurs. The lie can undermine trust of the child and hecan go into shell. However you shouldn’t tell about all details of the conflict of parents, after all the child can interpret it incorrectly. It’s desirable to find arguments for the break of the relations which will be convincing and available to the child’s age and his mental development.



The presence of both spouses at conversation, when the decision to report about divorce was made, is important. It’s better to report that marriage is dissolved when the decision is made finally or marriage is already dissolved. For the child up to 3 years it’s enough to tell that "the Dad will be living separately" and keep with patience. When the child is more than 6 years old, you can talk to him as to the adult. If the child after one conversation expresses the desire to return to it, don't refuse him. It’s important to explain to the child that there is no his fault in the parents’ divorce, and despite the separate living of parents from each other, they continue to love him. It’s desirable to repeat it many times. Besides words hug him, kiss him, and show him all your warm feelings. Such emotional support will help the child to meet current situation easier.

You shouldn't tell the judicial proceedings details, including its financial side. For the child there will be enough information on that with whom and where he will live and also how this will affect his education. Teachers have to know about divorce of parents to help the child if problems with poor progress appear. You can refer to specialists if the child endures this stress hard.
 
It’s very hard to foresee what can be the reaction of the child to divorce of parents. It’s important to give to the child the emotional support and to teach him to cope with a stress. If necessary don't put off a visit to the psychologist or the psychotherapist. Keeping of good relations between parents can soften the divorce consequences.

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