Do you know how to not to bring up the greedy?15 November
Sometimes parents are faced with the fact that the child doesn’t want to share things and toys that he was asked for. You can hear the answer such as "I will not give, this is mine!" The child can be abused and punished, and can be called "greedy" for this.
The greed as the quality of person is formed in the process of the child development at the wrong behavior of adults, which is based on the misunderstanding of the desires and needs of the child. Under the pressure of blames for the "greed" the child feels that he is bad, but he doesn’t understand the actual reasons for the blames. Your child really thinks that this is his stuff, and he doesn’t have to share them against his will. The child may unwillingly give the toy to another child to earn the praise of adults. However, he won’t feel the sincere feeling of joy for another child.Such child’s greed is a demonstration of the territorial instinct. Toys define and are the demonstration of the child’s edgesfor the others. It’s not definitely that the child will be playing with all toys at the moment.
The child knows and feels,he evaluates himself through the knowledge that he gets from the world around. The world around includes close people, as well as things and toys that are around him. The special thing about the child's mentality is that the child sees these things as thecontinuation of himself. If someone wants to take something valuable and importantfor the child, it is regarded as a roughinvasionto his world. At the age of 1.5 to 3 years, children don’thave formed yet the concept of "mine and yours". At this stage, all is "mine". By the age of 2 - 4 years, the child begins to understand his own world and his own Ego. And in this world there have to be just his things. The main thing is not to try to engrain the skill "to share with others" until he is 3 years old.
To 3 years, children are not able to exchange their thingsconsciously, because they don’t have a clear understanding of 'mine and yours" yet. So then you should:
• Not to take awaythe toy of the child;
• Not to allowto take other people's things, except of in exchange for forhis and with the consent of other toys owner;
• Help to understand the worries of another childand explain how is good to share with others, to explain how good to share with others, and how this is pleasant for another. Show at your examples at home how well and nice to share with others.
However, if the child stays on his point and doesn’t want to share, don’t insist on the opposite.
What about the parents? It’s important first to recognize the child as the full owner of his toys. When the child shares something, you should not praise him in the abstract form ("Well done!"), but say "I'm so glad that you have learned to share" or "Have you noticed how nice to give pleasure to someone?" You can play with your child in the game where you can play scenes with the characters which are eager to share with each other. You shouldn’t get involved emotionally if the child "started to greed" You can discuss the situationplayfully. Asking to play with the toy, adults try to wean the child from the "greed", and also to support the important sense for the child - the sense of self-worth. Feeling of theself-worth lack leads to the demonstration of greed and aggressive behavior.
The outbursts of greed can occur when guests coming. To avoid the conflict situations it’s better to discuss with the child what games or things he considers as "untouchable" to outsiders. You should discuss the toys and things that can be played by others. You can play with your child with permitted toys to keep them in his memory.
Are there any preventive measures against the sudden bursts of possessiveness? To expand the edges of the child’s own space, let him, for example, draw him everywhere. It doesn’t mean that you expect the house renovations soon. You can attach the paper sheets to the walls. And then youcan hang upthe most successful worksin the apartment, which will raise the child’s sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Be sure to prepare the place where the child will draw, and sculpt, so that the game won’t over with the long cleanup. Assign responsibilities for the clean-up at the end of the activity.
For the attentive and caring parents it’s important to remember that the wrong or strange behaviorfrom the adult point of view is a signal for help, which should be responded. The love of the parents to the childwill helpin solving the problems.