Do you know how to tell a child the truth about the adoption?05 December
If you have adopted the child at the age that at the moment he doesn’t remember his being at the children’s home, so the information about his adoption is a secret for him. Many parents are happy with such state of things and they don’t want to tell the child the truth. Psychologists and educators talk and argue much about this subject. But anyway the right decision that is taken to be is to tell the truth. You only have to make it properly in the fullness of time and not to hurt the child’s heart.
If you don’t want to let your child know this, just think about that however much you defend the secret from the leakage, there can be found some “kind people” which will tell your child the truth. And, in this case, you can expect only negative emotions from the child’s side, as you will become “liars” which concealed such important information. Don’t think that if the child gets to know the truth as an adult, he will meet it easier. This happens not always.
So are there any clear instructions on what exact age we should tell the child the truth about his adoption? In any case, whenever you uncover the secret about the child’s adoption, he will ask “Why you didn’t tell me earlier?” anyway.
Actually, all parents delay this moment because of their fear of that when the child knows that his dad and mom, whom he sincerely believed his family, in fact, are “not real”, he will stop loving them. However his reaction is mainly depended on your proper actions.
In many specialists’ opinion, the best way is to prepare the child for such information from the childhood. In other words, the most rational decision is to tell the child the truth at that moment when he asks first where he came from. As usual children ask this question at 3-4 years. Of course, you shouldn’t answer it officially, but in such way that the child takes this fact of adoption as it should be. You also should follow this position – the fact that you have adopted the baby is absolutely normal and there is no anything unusual.
You can use this: “When people love each other, they have children. Dad and mom met each other, lovedvery much, and then we started to look for you. We've come to a special house where a lot of small children are waiting for their parents. You were solittle, so you don’t remember that time. But we'vecome for you, and when we saw you, we knew that you are our baby. Since then we are with you.”
Even if the child don’t understand fully the whole meaning of these words, he will get used to them gradually, and then, at the more conscious age, you can easy tell it like it is without fear of shock reaction.
Don’t give the child too much information at a time. This is a long and hard talk. You should just give some details in that cases when the child needs such information or asks you the questions. But you shouldn’t make this talk too often and focus on it.
The main thing is that the child feels your love and care. Give this information in the positive tones and keep a good mood. You know your child better than any specialists and experts, so you will feel how and when you should tell the child the truth. The one thing you shouldn’t do is to be afraid and to delay this moment.