Do you know why children do not always trust their parents?

27 November
2012



To answer this question, first, you should understand what the trust is? Psychologists term thissense of self security and the appearance of special psychological intimacy. The person, who trusts you, must feel confident that you will not harm him and will not tell his secrets. In other words, trust is the absence of fear of personthat he would be betrayed.

The trust is associated to the control and responsibility matter. Trust also meansthe close psychological distance between people. Perhaps the child’s distrust to you can be caused by the fact that his "personal space" area is more than yours, and heis just not in mood to let people beto himself too close.

Your naturally occurring desire to be "the whole" with your child is absolutely understandable. Also the reasons of youroffences to children's distrustmake sense. But you should look at the situation through the eyes of the child; he may need more personal space and he is tired of your focused attention. You should not put pressure on the child, trying to force into his intimate circle, because this way, you can retard him at more infantile level of development than thathe aspiresto.

The more you invade his world, the higherwallshe will build to isolate himself from you. As thebad result, he can grow into the habit to say no to your any advice and suggestions, even without understanding their meaning.

If you are concerned that the child is hiding something from you,in your opinion, remember that he, as anindividual and as a free person, has the right to. It may be that you are forced him to hide something from you. Most often, the children are not bornsecretive but they are becoming those in response to theparents’ habit to control their deeds and actions with all dedications to details.



Also children's mistrust may be developed as a mirror reaction to the distrust of adults. If you keep your child at a great distance away from you, hide away your emotions and thoughts from him, so it’s not surprisingly that he behaves the same.

Mistrust leads to dire consequences; the emotional intimacy between the child and the parentsdisappears. If you feel that mistrust is growing, you should think and analyze your communication with your child. Surely you will remember not only one episode where you hurt the child, having deceived his trust, disappointed the child’s expectations not giving him what he was expected. Perhaps, from the child’s point of view you betrayed him and didn’t defend him when he was needed. These are the reasons for the childto "be closed" from you. You can apologize to your child for these distressing episodes from the past sincerely repenting.

For the diagnosis of thetrust situation in the family you can use the drawing test "Draw a family". If the child has put any imitative barriers between you and him, or you are at the great distance from him, so this may be a high degree of distrust.
You can lose the trust in a second, and you can spend yearson its recovery. Don’t make any sudden movements, more work on yourself. The situation, where the child doesn’t trust his parents,most often is being formed by the fault of parents. You can refer to the child or family psychologist for help and advice. Keep hope and belief in a better, try to make it up to the child, and most importantly, be very sincerewith him. If the child feels false in your attempts to establish contact with him, you have a risk of being excluded from the list of his authorized personsonce for all.

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